‘This isn’t fair because I didn’t know’: Man Records Wife Confessing to Cheating, Using it to Get Ahead During Divorce Proceedings

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Feb 16, 2024 4:00 PM EST

'All's fair in love and war' said someone once, and they were unfortunately right. When it comes to relationships, people don't always act with tact, respect, or maturity, and it leaves both people unhappy, confused, and broken-hearted. Divorces get messy, and the legal repercussions could cost a fortune. Just when you're down on your luck and regretting one of the biggest decisions of your life, all you need is financial instability. Sounds nice, huh?

When someone lacks the maturity to handle a sticky situation well it can turn ugly very, very quickly. The only option is to take the high road at times like these, to call it quits, to break contact, and move on with your life. You're never going to change them or make them a better person, and you've spent enough time giving yourself to them with nothing in return. When moving on is the only option, why not do it with zest? In times of divorce, get anything you can get.

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  • 01
    Posted by u/PearIndependent6020 1 day ago AITAH for 'tricking' my soon to be ex-wife?
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 02
    I've (34M) been married to Alice (33F) for seven years now, the last 2 years have been completely dead bedroom with Alice being extremely closed off. I tried to start date nights, but she would cancel them. Tried to start couples therapy, and again, she would cancel appointments day of. I did, however, start independent therapy which has helped a lot.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 03
    Overall, she has been extremely frigid. I would get home and she would just tear me apart, judge everything from how crooked my shoes are in the shoe cubby to how salty dinner is when I cook it. And before you ask, yes, she does work. I also do the majority of the cooking (I find cooking relaxing/therapeutic).
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 04
    After two years of this, I finally decided to talk to a lawyer and get my options. Alice seemed as miserable as I do, so I talked to a lawyer about how a straight down the middle split divorce would look. Basically, we would have to sell the house, each one keeps a car, and we split the equity of the house, each of us keeping our own retirement accounts. I am fine with
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 05
    this, and I asked the lawyer to start writing it up. Alice in the past had some issues with her temper, so I made sure to record the conversation on my phone, just in case. Well, two months ago was when I sat her down and told her I was thinking and neither of us have been happy for a long time, we should just pull
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 06
    off the bandaid and get divorced. Alice then shocked me with her first question. "How long did you know?" I didn't know what she thought I knew, but I played along and said since the beginning.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 07
    "You knew for half a year and didn't say anything?" I have to say, I was very emotionally divorced from this woman already, partially thanks to a good amount of therapy, so I kept playing along. I asked why him of all people.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 08
    She then spilled her guts that 'Frank' was there for her and everyone else in the office found him charming. Frank was her boss, so now I had more. We danced around more and she handed her phone over to me defeated thinking that I already knew the worst.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 09
    I took screenshots of their conversations and forwarded to my email. Alice wasn't crying, she wasn't begging, but she did act 'sad'. She packed up a bag of stuff and left. I took the recording and the screenshots and sent them to my lawyer.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 10
    After a brief phone call with my lawyer, we decided to not go with the 'clean split', but instead I keep the house, the cars, and whatever is in the joint accounts. Papers were drafted and sent to her, which she has not contested with her thinking I had a mountain of evidence of her infidelity. Divorce is now underway, with just the clock running until the final decree.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 11
    The problem starts when my sister Sam(31F) bumped into Alice in the grocery store. I talked to Sam about the marital problems and how I wanted a clean split. I didn't, however, tell her about the adultery. Alice told her that she cheated and Sam was confused. Sam called me last night, asking if I knew Alice was cheating when I got a lawyer.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 12
    I told her, no I didn't, Alice volunteered the information when I asked for a divorce and I played along to get more info. Sam said she was disappointed in me using 'mind games' to trick Alice into agreeing to a less than even split in the divorce. Sam said it was stunts like these that are borderline 'gaslighting'.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 13
    So, I got to ask, should I have kept with the even split divorce? Edited to add: We live in a state that allows both no fault divorce and fault divorce, and there is a prenup with a cheating clause involved. I originally sought to do a no-fault even split, basically wash our hands of this sham, get on with our lives. We're not going to
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 14
    try an unrealistic 90/10 either. In the end, it will be more 65/35. She had a lawyer read and agree to the settlement, which she had signed. Like I said, now we're waiting out the clock; our state has provisions on 'cool-off periods' and . I didn't have papers ready or drafted when I talked to Alice. With how miserable she was, I figured she would want the split as well.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 15
    No idea why my sister is so hung up on the 'dishonesty' I had to 'trick' Alice.
    via u/PearIndependent6020
  • 16
    bhyellow 1 day ago You didn't "trick" her. She mistakenly spilled the beans on herself. Your sister is a traitor.
    via u/bhyellow
  • 17
    isthishanskim · 1 day ago Why wouldn't his own sister support him? Lol bet she cheats on her husband.
    via u/isthishanskim
  • 18
    EbonKnight78. 1 day ago I was thinking the same thing
    via u/EbonKnight78
  • 19
    nickkkmnn · 1 day ago You know what they say about things that walk like a duck and quack like a duck.
    via u/nickkkmnn
  • 20
    Longjumping-Many4082. 21 hr. ago The only other reasonable explanation would be his sister knew of the STBXW's infidelity and didn't say anything, so she's now downplaying the discovery as some trickery.
    via u/Longjumping-Many4082
  • 21
    Either way, I hope OP get's every cent out of this divorce to which he's entitled. He put up with years of emotional and verbal abuse from a cheating wife.
    via u/Longjumping-Many4082
  • 22
    jojozabadu 1 day ago Because his sister is a toxic
    via u/jojozabadu
  • 23
    Spiritual_Boss6114. 1 day ago Just remember folks. If they cheat with you. They will surely cheat on you.
    via u/Spiritual_Boss6114
  • 24
    isthishanskim · 1 day ago Yeah that could make sense as well. Just happy to stir some while watching her brother go through some terrible times.
    via u/isthishanskim
  • 25
    worndown75 · 1 day ago My mother supported my ex wife when we were going through a divorce, until she knew I would destroy her and get everything and full custody of the kids. Women often
    via u/worndown75
  • 26
    reflexively side with other women when it comes to intersexual dynamics. Even over kin. Men are just wired different than women.
    via u/worndown75
  • 27
    bonzai113 1 day ago Both of my parents supported my then ex wife during our divorce.
    via u/bonzai113
  • 28
    worndown75. 1 day ago Did you guys have kids? I often wonder if it's because grandparents want to secure access to their grandkids.
    via u/worndown75
  • 29
    Lanky-Solution-1090. 1 day ago Maybe your sister has cheated?
    via u/Lanky-Solution-1090
  • 30
    HKatzOnline 1 day ago Very telling about the sister - would tell parents - maybe dad though, not mom.
    via u/HKatzOnline
  • 31
    jorp27384 1 day ago Even if he did trick I would still be on his side. She's a cheater and they deserve mind games like this. So long as he keeps his hands to himself I say good on him
    via u/jorp27384

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